dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My life is pants optional.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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