Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
