I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
