my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
