I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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