I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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