So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
