dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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