even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.