so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works