A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This baby is an asshole
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign