The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
