I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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