dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
