No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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