idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
