I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
someone owes me an orgasm
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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