wrigley field is MILF paradise
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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