I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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