be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
