she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
