I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
