Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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