Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
