Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
