who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
