I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's shark week go big or go home
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
