If i come over, it means nothing
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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