I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
