I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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