i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
