Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize