The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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