Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
