Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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