just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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