He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
