I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
