Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize