I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
