i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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