I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
