Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Vodka?
Forever.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
