I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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