Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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