Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
