my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
