Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
