Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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