ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
