i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Vodka?
Forever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
