worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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