I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
