i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
