I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
