I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
