I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
