So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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