I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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