I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
