one two three fourrrrnication!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
