ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
