I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
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