two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
