Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
