Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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