is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
