how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
