so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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