Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
