Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
