I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
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I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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