I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
