I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
