and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
