i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
