I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
