this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
