when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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