So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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